Spent most of today indoors and lounging. Felt somewhat justified about it because we spent the entire day out yesterday and Annika is sick. Yet instead of enjoying it, I found myself feeling more and more guilty. I kept thinking I should be exercising or doing some kind of activity with Annika.
In the past, I would have felt guilty for not excising. My dad’s voice echoing in my head, “Let’s do something!” The guilt to exercise is even larger when I’m still carrying around an extra 20 pounds of baby fat. I do enjoy exercising. I love the feeling it gives me afterwards. I adore what it can do for my health and body. But I also enjoy relaxing. Spending a day in a book feels divine sometimes. Snuggling under a blanket on a cold day watching a movie can feel luxurious. So why can’t I just enjoy the moment if I’m choosing to spend a day in relaxation mode? Do we have to be in go mode everyday? My dad challenged me to exercise before I turn on the tv. It would probably alleviate the guilt. Try it out for a week and see how it goes?
Now with Annika, I have even more to feel guilty about. I didn’t take her to the zoo or aquarium or a play group or any fun kid stuff today. I know she’s only 6 months and will probably sleep through whatever I take her too. But you’re supposed to do stuff with your kids. And pretty soon I’ll be back at work and won’t be able to do anything with her. I want our time to be filled with adventures and purpose. I want meaning and value behind everything we do. But I also want to just sit on this couch and lounge.
I did finally force us outside (and it was definitely forced, it took about 20 minutes to talk myself into it). The air smelled and felt great. I felt proud of myself for getting out there. We were going to the park.
Once I get outside, I question myself why it took me that long. Why I sat through some stupid tv show just to avoid getting out. I definitely need to take on my dad’s challenge.
We got to the park. We tried the swing and the slide. Annika barely cracked a smile (probably because her face was frozen from the cold) and she won’t remember going. But I feel better about it.