So Friday turned into a crazy day that didn’t allow for any exercise (or at least that’s what I convinced myself). To top it off, I stayed at a friends that thought leaving me treats would be nice. The small cheat escalated into a complete sabatoge.
As soon as I put one chocolate into my mouth I started searching for the next item. I stopped after a couple treats and assured myself that its fine to have a treat day and miss a day of exercise. Everything in moderation right?
However, while in a course the next day I was tempted with an entire table full of pastries, cookies, and muffin. A one point in my life, food and control over it consumed me. So like an alcoholic in a bar, I sat there listening to the speaker while my mind wandered to the food and when I might be able to sample some and what it must taste like. I look around and no one else seems to be acknowledging the food. Does no one else have to force themselves to stay seated every minute rather than going to pick out a treat?
When I finally cave, the guilt starts to pile on. In most cases you would think this would ensure you didn’t eat another bite. Unfortunately for me it merely makes me want to eat more. To eat them all.
The drug-like release as I eat a bite is euphoric, but the pain of guilt and negativity afterwards knocks you over. So you continue to eat.
The temptation continued today during the second day of the course. And since I’d already failed at my goal of exercising everyday and eaten more than I should have, there was no reason not to cheat further. The pile up of failures and disappointment left me in a low mood.
I want to live without thinking I can’t have certain foods but clearly I can’t have just one. Time for an intervention! Tomorrow is Monday and I was planning on implementing a new goal. But mostly I want to focus on accomplishing the last one I set (exercise every day for a week). I will also add that I will drink 8 glasses of water per day.
Not exactly the most inspiring or uplifting post. But everyone has their bad days, I just need to remember to not let them spiral out of control.