Why is it that it takes the deadline of going back to work soon to force me into action?! Two months before I return to work, I realize I need to finally lose the baby weight.
I’ve spent this last month kicking my butt into action. It was pretty humbling to start. I’ve always known I was overweight. But in the back of my mind, I would justify it with the fact that I am active and fit. So when I went for my first run with a girlfriend, I was very dismayed to discover that I couldn’t run for more than a few minutes at a time and when I was running I was very slow. It was the biggest wake up call. But thank goodness I had it.
During the month of May, I ran twice a week; I worked with a personal trainer twice a week; and I went to bootcamp twice a week. A lot of it was preparation for a race, but the underlying goal was to finally shed the weight and get fit.
Well I haven’t lost a damn pound! Its been super discouraging. There were a few days where I just wanted to cry. Mostly I thought, ‘it’s not fair’. I want to be one of those naturally skinny girls!
However, participating in the Spartan Sprint on the weekend (a 5km obstacle race) gave me some pride that losing a pound could never provide. The race was way beyond my comfort zone. I desperately wanted to back out. It was beyond hard. But wow do I feel amazing for finishing it. In fact, my inspiration to continue working towards fitness and health has grown. Today I started meal planning and looking at what else I can do to improve. I feel so good about the future now.
It’s funny, when I started this post, I thought it would be more about procrastination. But when I started writing, I realized how good I was feeling about myself! Forget the scale. Instead of focusing on losing weight, I’m going to focus on gaining health!
Ps. The picture is the start of the race, running uphill in the snow. Sadly I didn’t get one of myself covered in mud at the end because I was too focused on getting out of the wet clothes!
Searching for something to say and still that voice breaks in with a reason why I can’t compliment myself. So rather than trying to convince myself that I really do like something about myself that my inside voice votes against. I’ll share the part that I do like (and I’ll even keep the part that I don’t like to myself – don’t want to give that negative voice any more power).
I like how soft and smooth my hair is.
Does everyone find it this hard to compliment themselves? I want to stick with my goal of complimenting myself everyday, but I’m finding it even harder than I thought it would be. I’m trying to find compliments that I honestly believe.
Even when I come up with one my negative voices comes through stronger with a vote against it. I know they say some people have distorted body images. An anorexic woman can look in the mirror and think she looks fat. Well, I’m not anorexic but I am tough on myself. So can I not find something because there isn’t a lot to compliment or because of a distorted image of myself?
So today’s compliment is a bit of a stretch but I am fond of them and they are a part of my body: my beautiful tattoos.
I figure my goal to find one compliment per day will get tougher before it gets easier. A friend of mine posted some old pictures today. Looking through them I easily found things about myself I could compliment. Basically I’m just not happy with how I look today. But one common thing I did notice in all the pictures was my smile.
I have a great smile.
I thought it would get easier, so far that’s not the case.
Although, I do feel pretty proud of myself for teaching a spin class for the first time since June! A 45 minute intense bike class where I’m on display. A microphone amplifying every huff and puff attached to my head. Teaching again reminded me of my capability in both strength and leadership. My speed might have been a tad slower than my pre-baby days, but I felt confident on the bike.
So today, my compliment to myself goes two ways: I have strong legs and I am a great teacher.