I recently tried to complete a three day smoothie detox featured on Dr. Oz. I was positive it was the ticket to get me on track and make it easy to fall into the 17 Day Diet (a book a friend had given me). I was wrong.
I hate doing things the hard way. I’ve always searched for that quick fix that will give me instant results. You think I would learn that the quick fixes have never proven successful (for me anyways) and its only when I’ve put in hard work that I’ve seen results.
Even worse still, I set myself up for a major mood dive. I failed at my diet so what does it make me automatically want to do? Eat everything in sight. Thankfully, since I’m staying with my parents, I didn’t fall into that trap today (minus the ice cream cone). But the feeling of failure is still there.
I could have made it. It was three days of smoothies. Even though they didn’t taste that great, it wasn’t awful. But poor planning and the look of my parents’ dinner made me want to cave. I started looking for excuses to get out. A reason to justify breaking the diet. As soon as I had one, I jumped at the chance.
But it bums me out that I can’t stick with a plan. It adds to my feeling of inability to do anything. Why try losing the weight if I can’t.
I need to try this diet again. Not because I think it will do wonders. But because I know I can do it. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to prove my negative voice wrong!
After a weekend of staying at a friends with all sorts of unhealthy foods, I came home tonight and cooked a nice meal from ‘Feeding the Whole Family, by Cynthia Lair.
It tasted awesome and there was plenty for my lunch tomorrow!
I need to remember how good it feels to eat good for you food. Most of the food I ate this weekend was my trigger food. I’d have one bite and instantly need 20 to satisfy some inner hunger. It wasn’t until I ate as much of it as I could that I found I could think clearly again.
Time to just stay away from those trigger foods for a while.
Good thing I have leftovers: Quinoa Chili.
So Friday turned into a crazy day that didn’t allow for any exercise (or at least that’s what I convinced myself). To top it off, I stayed at a friends that thought leaving me treats would be nice. The small cheat escalated into a complete sabatoge.
As soon as I put one chocolate into my mouth I started searching for the next item. I stopped after a couple treats and assured myself that its fine to have a treat day and miss a day of exercise. Everything in moderation right?
However, while in a course the next day I was tempted with an entire table full of pastries, cookies, and muffin. A one point in my life, food and control over it consumed me. So like an alcoholic in a bar, I sat there listening to the speaker while my mind wandered to the food and when I might be able to sample some and what it must taste like. I look around and no one else seems to be acknowledging the food. Does no one else have to force themselves to stay seated every minute rather than going to pick out a treat?
When I finally cave, the guilt starts to pile on. In most cases you would think this would ensure you didn’t eat another bite. Unfortunately for me it merely makes me want to eat more. To eat them all.
The drug-like release as I eat a bite is euphoric, but the pain of guilt and negativity afterwards knocks you over. So you continue to eat.
The temptation continued today during the second day of the course. And since I’d already failed at my goal of exercising everyday and eaten more than I should have, there was no reason not to cheat further. The pile up of failures and disappointment left me in a low mood.
I want to live without thinking I can’t have certain foods but clearly I can’t have just one. Time for an intervention! Tomorrow is Monday and I was planning on implementing a new goal. But mostly I want to focus on accomplishing the last one I set (exercise every day for a week). I will also add that I will drink 8 glasses of water per day.
Not exactly the most inspiring or uplifting post. But everyone has their bad days, I just need to remember to not let them spiral out of control.